Goodnight, Irene…..

As a new day dawns, I prepare to end one that already passed on by. My life is so hectic right now I can barely keep track of when I am supposed to do what, especially since in my world day is night and night is day anyway. I am tired. I am in unholy pain… My body is screaming at me to slow down. Well, too damned bad. This is what I do. Fuck the pain, I’m busy. Tomorrow I am going to a toy run in Jonesboro… I love this run, because my friend Jasmine plays there. Yes, sometimes I can’t hold my head up. Right now it feels as if something is trying to rip my leg from my hip joint. I cant find anything to kill the pain.. pot has failed.. pills have failed.. alcohol has failed…  But as long as I can force myself to stand up on my shoes, you can bet your ass I am going to go forward tomorrow, one step after another. Jj told me once that I should write a book of all my shoes and the places they have been… he’s probably right. They could tell quite the tales. My soles have quite a bit of soul. But as each night draws to a close, all those miles, all those stories, all those rides… they all become clearer. All the things I want to write jumble in my mind as I try to write them down. But as soon as my head hits the pillow, they will march forward in perfect prose, and deny me sleep as I lie there and consider getting back up and writing them down. I wish there was a way to record my mind as I drift off to sleep each night, because that’s where the best stories live… the ones that drift untold and forgotten into my private world of dreams. But, alas, I am only human and the traitorous vessel within which I abide demands I allow it to rest. I already know I will be tired I the morning… and the morning after that, and the morning after that… This is the life God has handed me. Am I paying atonement for my wickedness? Perhaps. More than likely, actually. Or perhaps its because he knows I am strong enough to fight off whatever punches me in the throat. Regardless, I know he only hands the butterfly to the person strong enough to carry it, so therefore I trudge on. Tonight sleep will come harder because I am draped in the excitement of seeing my friend tomorrow… mayhap the knowledge that the sooner I sleep the sooner it will be today will assist in my much needed sleep. Goodnight, my pets.

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