a letter I wrote to Ford Motor Company

To whom it may concern;

My husband recently bought me a brand new 2008 V6 NOS edition Mustang. As a long standing auto body technician, ASE Certified Automotive Specialist and general all around wrench, I would like to commend you on the superior design and handling of your product. It corners like its on rails, it has amazing traction control, like the MacPherson struts, and the SOHC has much better performance and fuel economy than earlier versions. I am highly impressed with the available torque at around 2g…

However… I noticed two problems. First, there is no ashtray or lighter. I was informed that it isn’t equipped with a smokers package. What the fuck is that about? That may be the most pansy ass car thing I have heard since they started putting flower pots in fucking Volkswagens.
Secondly, there’s no room anywhere in this car to to procreate. I’m a tall woman, but I am very thin… There is absolutely no way to align my crotch with anyone else’s inside this car unless I suddenly decide to play escaped convict and the warden’s wife with a Kama sutra instructor who happens to be a midget.
Otherwise, my congratulations on a fine example of an American automobile. I love it.

sincerely, not Sally


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