My Sister is the Clark Griswald of Thanksgiving

My sister has some sort of spectacle of a thing happen to her every freaking Thanksgiving. Without fail. One year she called me in a tizzy cuz someone had done something BAD to her turkey. It took me several moments to realize what she was upset about. i gently explained to her that was the turkey’s NECK up in there, and that there hadn’t been a bad accident at the turkey factory. twice she has baked her wedding ring into the dressing. one year, my dad gave her the ingredients to make his famous baked beans.. but he left out one thing… he didn’t tell her to STIR the beans. so the brown sugar-mustard caramelized stuff that occurred probably couldn’t have been removed from the pot with an Ak-47 and a backhoe. This is her latest occurrence during the holidays. The other day i saw her post a status about “there was a lint explosion on my shirt!” well, since she had started a new job as the clerk at the hotel, I figured she had taken a load of towels out of the dryer. No.

She calls me just now and tells me about the “lint.” My husband gave her a ride to work because I was in Pine Bluff at the hospital with my dad… he had my fuzzy white lapdog honey in the truck with him… When Jayme goes in to work, she notices weird white fuzz all over her beautiful black lace blouse. So, she tells her boss that she needs a second to go to the restroom because my dog got some fuzz on her. she picked the strange white fluff off the front of her shirt, her right shoulder, down her arm… she even found large clumps of it in her hair. She spent the rest of her shift trying to inconspicuously remove the minuscule white balls from all over herself. When she got home, she pulled her hair brush out of her big ol Betsy Johnson bag…. and found a Kotex had been punctured by the hairbrush and exploded to atomic proportions all over her and her purse on her first day of work like she had been caught in a snowstorm. sigh.

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3 Responses to “My Sister is the Clark Griswald of Thanksgiving”

  1. that girl sounds like a hot mess.

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