What Happens in Vegas….

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Libby and I, on our road trip this summer, spent a night in the Stratosphere in Vegas. We had driven hard to get there, and while we were amped up with excitement at seeing the strip, exhaustion creeped in as we dragged our way into the massive casino. The property’s signature attraction is the 1,149 ft Stratosphere Tower, the tallest freestanding observation tower in the United States, and the second tallest in the Western Hemisphere, surpassed only by the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario. The hotel is a separate building with 24 stories, 2,427 rooms and an 80,000 sq ft casino. It is also the tallest structure in Las Vegas. Needless to say, it felt like we had traversed this entire property by the time we made it to our rooms. I made a comment to Libby about how there was no safety chain on the door as we stashed our bags and sprawled on the giant beds, and broke out our pot boxes and various paraphernalia. We had gotten comfortable and lit up bowls of ganja when a maid just WALKED IN. I mean no knock, no nothing. She looks right over the pot and says, “Just doin’ a room check.” She looked between our beds, in the bathroom and then left. Libby and I stared at each other in horror and shock. I finally stammered, “but, what if we had been fuckin’?” I mean, we DON’T, but what if we did? Isn’t that what people DO in hotel rooms? (I was to find out later she was doing a hooker check on our room… Do people really reserve rooms with credit cards from Arkansas to go to Vegas and be a hooker? I guess there’s better odds?) This creeped us out so we decided to get outta the room and go find food. We didn’t have to go far to do that… there was a huge buffet right there, so we decided to just eat that. Libby decided to try to eat everything on the buffet.. I didn’t go quite the far but I did have a magnificent meal. We went back to our room and Libby crashed for a couple hours, and then we decided to go exploring and to gamble $20 each for the hell of it. Well. Have I mentioned Libby attracts weird people? I turn to a waitress to ask for a bloody mary. I turn around, and there is this Native American person. I am going to refer to himself as an Indian from here on out, because that is how he introduced himself to us… as an Indian Mormon Shaman Witch… He was also drunker than a boiled owl. Well, he had suddenly appeared and seemed to be sniffing Libby. When he turned around and his head slowly cranked backwards on his neck to peer up at me, he stammers, “God, you are big.” I reply, “That’s cuz I am a man.” he scrambled away amongst Libby’s snickering… for abut five minutes… then he came back! He says “Its okay if you have a penis because I have one too!” I say, “Well, you might as well go play with yours, cuz you damned sure can’t play with mine.” He replied, Where are you from.” I said, “Arkansas, I’m on my way home for my sex change operation.” I mean, I pulled out the whole arsenal. NOTHING deterred this wild Indian. He tried to touch my hair and was met with a rude comment and threat of bodily harm… This made him tell me he had been growing his hair for three years and he kinda flicked his head and flipped his hair out to the side like he was Farrah Faucet… and it was so greasy it STUCK there. Libby and I kept sneaking away. We would think we had escaped and suddenly his head would pop out from around a machine and sniff Libby. We ran away from him several times… By the time he got brave enough to reach out to TOUCH her, I had had enough. I grabbed him by his shirt collar and read him a riot act… I don’t remember what all I said, but apparently it finally got the point across. Well, Libby and I, we then decide to go upstairs and check out the rides… we WANTED to jump off the tower.. but they weren’t doing it due to high winds. The other rides looked stupid, so we just peered out at the spectacular Vegas night from the highest point in this jewel of the desert. From this high up, you couldn’t see the hookers and the old men asking for dollar bills at the front door or hear the incessant dinging of the slots. It was a spectacular sight, the endless lights glittering like diamonds in the center of the black nothingness of desert, and a beautiful memory with my friend.

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When we left the top of the Stratosphere, we found that there is no button to push to get an elevator. You have to just wait for it to show up. So we waited…. and waited… and waited some more. and then some more people showed up and they are standing around waiting too. I had squatted down by the elevator and when the bell FINALLY dinged that signaled the approaching car, I stood up quickly in my long strapless sundress.. which was hung under my wedges… which resulted in pulling my dress down around my waist and flashing everybody waiting to get on the elevator. Oh well, Libby was the only person there who I knew and she has seen em before anyway. I’m glad that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.. and that none of those people had a cellphone handy.

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One Response to “What Happens in Vegas….”

  1. I’m a extended time watcher and I just believed I’d drop by and say hi there there for the extremely very first time.

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