If only I Could…

My service dog Honey is dying. Not right now, not tonight. Since the summer, I have felt the telltale wet rattle of congestive heart failure in her soft beautiful chest. I am just weeping like a child trying to write this. I went to tell Bob goodnight and hugged my dogs and heard the wheeze that is one step closer to her death.. She lost her mate last spring, and it broke her spirit. She mostly lays around on a pillow these days. She has been my ears, my honey, my bear, my baby for about 6 years. She sleeps on a pillow beside my head. Even though I have my beautiful coon dog, I am dying inside at the thought of goin to bed and reaching up to put my hand on her warm pink belly and it won’t be there. No more will I have anything but a memory of tickling her tiny white feet or asking her what does a Harley say and hearing her make a ‘wrooo’ noise. I know that neither a westie or a daschaund have huge life spans… This is her lot in life the same as the brilliant moth whose beautiful flaming glory only lives one day… But it feels like losing a child… I’m devastated at the thought of never catching her fuzzy wiggly body in my arms when I walk through the door. I am bawling that cocodog won’t understand why she lost the dog who has been her adopted mama. I am sobbing at the loss of a true creature who loves me unconditionally. Why does she have to have a disease that I know someday I will sit in our vet’s office and hold her tiny body as her life slips away?

‘I came home unexpectedly
And caught her cryin’ needlesly
In the middle of the day
And it was in the early Spring
When flowers bloom and Robins sing
She went away..
And Honey I miss you
And I’m being good
And I’d love to be with you
If only I could…
One day while I was not at home
While she was there and all alone
The angels came..
Now all I have is memories
Of Honey and I wake up nights
And call her name
Now my life’s an empty stage
Where Honey lived and Honey played..’- Bobby Goldsboro

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